This apology is specifically in regards to these two blog posts, discussing an art project that I did in Spring 2012, and several pieces of which were hanging publicly in a radical community space this spring.
I was wrong. All of my arguments about why it was ok for me to make and display and sell dreamcatchers were justifications for actions that, deep down, I already knew were wrong. Because the thing is, I was violating my own integrity, and I knew it. I was violating the stream of own own consciousness as I have expressed it in this very blog...
I apologise for not listening sooner. I apologise for not listening in the first place, when I wrote the first blog post. I aplogise that it took me an entire week of listening this time for me to hear what you were saying.
And most of all, I apologise for having tried to use my own spiritual journey as a justification for bullshit.
At this point, my intention for the dreamcatchers is to reduce the prices enough to make them sell-able and affordable, and then give whatever profit I make from that to the Chief Seattle Club. For those that still don't sell ('cause, well, I have a lot of them...) I might turn them into random art installations in the woods.
Additionally, I want to say thank you. Even though your anger was scary and painful at first, thank you. Thank you for reminding me of the boundaries of my own integrity. Thank you for holding me accountable for the privilege and racism that I carry, and teaching me how to walk with respect.
So that is all I have to say to the people who were calling me out.
But to the white people, and all of the people who thought that this was a non-issue, who helped me write my justifications through conversation and encouragement, I have lots to say, because I want you to understand why I have come to this place.
And the answer is that it's not about me. It's not about my stifling my voice, or my spiritual journey. It's about listening. It's about the fact that when I speak, my voice is amplified by my privilege. And out of respect, I need to modulate my voice. And when someone tells me that something I'm doing is violation, it is my job to listen and respect - not to start explaining to them why, "well actually, I have every right to do this thing [insert examples of every time I try to call-out a guy for violating my boundaries and he gets defensive]".
And because we don't learn a lesson just once. We learn it over and over again, each time in a different layer, or a different context.
Because Healing & Forgiveness [deprogramming my internalized racism] are not a light switch or a button that I hit once and say, "ok that's done". They are a practice. A practice of learning a new way of walking.
I'm not done writing about this. Because judging by the number of white people I talked to who simply didn't understand why this would even be an issue, and then helped me produced infinite arguments about why it was just fine... we have a lot of work to do.
Bicycle Dream Catchers and Cultural Appropriation
Dreamcatchers and Cultural Appropriation, Redux
I was wrong. All of my arguments about why it was ok for me to make and display and sell dreamcatchers were justifications for actions that, deep down, I already knew were wrong. Because the thing is, I was violating my own integrity, and I knew it. I was violating the stream of own own consciousness as I have expressed it in this very blog...
"For those arbitrarily given a position of privilege: to support and promote individuals of marginalized groups, those who have been experiencing the most intense oppression for the longest time, is a deep act of protest. One so deep that it may start out feeling uncomfortable - like a protest against our own selves. But only in learning to let go of that power-over privilege can we really be free to find the power within ourselves. The power of interdependence and individual autonomy." Jan 2012So to all those People of Color, and People of Indigenous Heritage, and the White Allies, who called me out as doing harm, I have only this to say to you:
I apologise for not listening sooner. I apologise for not listening in the first place, when I wrote the first blog post. I aplogise that it took me an entire week of listening this time for me to hear what you were saying.
And most of all, I apologise for having tried to use my own spiritual journey as a justification for bullshit.
At this point, my intention for the dreamcatchers is to reduce the prices enough to make them sell-able and affordable, and then give whatever profit I make from that to the Chief Seattle Club. For those that still don't sell ('cause, well, I have a lot of them...) I might turn them into random art installations in the woods.
Additionally, I want to say thank you. Even though your anger was scary and painful at first, thank you. Thank you for reminding me of the boundaries of my own integrity. Thank you for holding me accountable for the privilege and racism that I carry, and teaching me how to walk with respect.
So that is all I have to say to the people who were calling me out.
But to the white people, and all of the people who thought that this was a non-issue, who helped me write my justifications through conversation and encouragement, I have lots to say, because I want you to understand why I have come to this place.
And the answer is that it's not about me. It's not about my stifling my voice, or my spiritual journey. It's about listening. It's about the fact that when I speak, my voice is amplified by my privilege. And out of respect, I need to modulate my voice. And when someone tells me that something I'm doing is violation, it is my job to listen and respect - not to start explaining to them why, "well actually, I have every right to do this thing [insert examples of every time I try to call-out a guy for violating my boundaries and he gets defensive]".
Lessons learned from my journeys with Ayahuaska:In fact, the part where I tried to use my own spiritual journey as a justification for my right to make and sell dreamcatchers might have been the most offensive part. Because if I am really sincere, if I really do want to understand the spirits of this land, and if I really aspire to the kind of Knowing that I was talking about... then the first step is to hold myself the strictest levels of respect for the violations that occurred in the past. Because I carry the heritage of the violence done by my ancestors. Because healing takes time...
Speaking, Thinking, and Listening, are three different activities.
Do one thing at a time.
And because we don't learn a lesson just once. We learn it over and over again, each time in a different layer, or a different context.
Because Healing & Forgiveness [deprogramming my internalized racism] are not a light switch or a button that I hit once and say, "ok that's done". They are a practice. A practice of learning a new way of walking.
I'm not done writing about this. Because judging by the number of white people I talked to who simply didn't understand why this would even be an issue, and then helped me produced infinite arguments about why it was just fine... we have a lot of work to do.
Please don't turn them into "random art installations in the woods." I go to the woods because I want to see the woods. What you call art someone else calls dumping.
ReplyDeletePlease DO turn them into "random art installations in the woods." There are plenty of trees that don't have awesome artwork hanging from them. Finding some that do is a treat!
ReplyDelete